keeping my mind otherwise occupied...

wow...i've been surprisingly successful at this lately! well over the last two weeks anyway.

yes, though the thought never leaves my mind, and the longing never leaves my heart (literally...not even a "mostly", IT is always there), over the last two weeks my mind has been busy enough to not dwell...and well that's enough for me!

my hubbs and i went on a camping trip to santa cruz last month...a much needed escape, for both of us. life has been rather depressing and slow for us...and we just continue to feel beat down. this "trip" was the first time in a very long time we both cleared our minds...literally...i have no other way of describing it. we didn't even take a picture of "us" on the trip until we were on our way home. we relaxed, disconnected from life, and just attempted to recharge ourselves. it was also the first time in the recent past that i can remember my husband responding with "i'm great, actually", to the question of "how are you doing?" ya, that was a wonderful thing to hear.

HOWEVER, we returned home, and it was a hard hit...back to reality. i got really depressed when we returned. we both suddenly were overcome with the overwhelming sense of not going anywhere...of being thrown backwards anytime we seem to start moving forward in life......and on and on it goes...

only about two days after getting back, i took D lunch at work...and started to tell him about how i had been feeling...with life, his career, my status, our baby situation (or lack thereof), and so-forth......and while discussing the ridiculous amount of job applications i had submitted and the ridiculous lack of responses i'd received, i began to tell him about how i wish i had some money saved up to start an Etsy business. i had heard about Etsy last summer from my sister...and love it...for about a year now i've been wishing i could make and sell things in a shop on there. i've talked for a while about wanting a "shop" of some kind, and when i discovered Etsy it just seemed like the most tangible way of achieving that. i put it off until now, knowing that pretty much everything i thought of would take a good chunk of money to start up...but the second i mentioned it, D told me "then do it"...i started to talk about needing money to start..."take $40 go buy fabric, make what you can, and see what happens"...sounds so simple! suddenly i couldn't talk myself out of it anymore, that sounded SO simple and straight forward. even if i was simply breaking even, it'd be something to do and we wouldn't be losing any money...hmm...

i was suddenly excited and motivated about something, i felt a weird sense of purpose again. i went home started to research, and began to feel like this was truly a possibility. i set up all sorts of stuff so that when i was ready, i had all the digital media figured out...the next day D and i went to joann's and bought fabric and some thread...and it started.

i've been praying that this wouldn't totally bomb...and that God would allow this to blossom and grow. being able to say i'm "self-employed", enjoying what i'm doing, and (even if barely) helping supplement our income has really been a pick-me-up. i have been working on this nearly non-stop since, and though life is still plaguing and stressful...and though i'm still self-conscious and paranoid that this will all tank...i feel busy, excited, and like i'm doing something i enjoy...at home!

so...forgive my absence, i've just been starting a business...no biggy!!!