fathers day

...oh another "parent" devoted holiday...where those of us in the infertile community feel left-out, and are reminded of the struggle of TTC that we are battling.

Mr. D is wonderful, he has been very supportive of me, and lately he has been much more aware of where i'm at in the journey, as the issue is beginning to catch up with him as well. he hasn't always understood...and has (at times) thought i was a little "out there" but as time has worn on and we still have no little ones around, he's feeling the strain as well.

yesterday, a customer came into his store and was talking about everything he was going to be doing with his kids for fathers day...he turned to D and asked him what his kids were doing for him for fathers day. oh yes, the assumption heard round-the-world by all infertility couples. i've heard it and been hurt by the "which ones are yours" that requires me to say correctively "i don't have any" rather than a simple "no" to "do you have kids". ...so, now it's caught up with him, and not just the "would-be-mom" is hearing the naive assumptions of the non-fertility challenged community. ...and after all that the guy turned to him and told him happy fathers day, which sent him over the edge...

it breaks my heart. i wish more than anything that i could provide fatherhood to my husband...that i could create for him the opportunity to experience the joys of having a child that is his. enjoying the delights of having a daddy's girl experience...being able to say "that's my son".

we can only continue to pray that God will bless us with children. that He will bless us with strength and peace throughout the journey, to keep us sane while we wait.

so to all you "mothers" out there...we feel we are mothers, whether only for a short period of time during pregnancy or only with your heart's desire after failed attempts...our husbands are also "fathers" in their hearts and some for a week, or two, or perhaps with some of you even experienced the birth of their child...they are fathers as we are mothers...and they are hurting in their own way as we are hurting in ours...

may God provide you all peace as you attempt to grow your families.