#NIAW - Bust A Myth - "you're just not hitting it right"

Resolve (the National Center for Infertility) has people blogging about infertility myths to burst the bubbles of those who use them like water. I've read a couple interesting ones...for example (one we've all heard), "You're young, you still have plenty of time"...As I commented on my facebook, D and I originally wanted four kids.  Yes, we are still relatively young, at age 28 and 27.  But, at this stage we will likely have at least more years of treatment before conceiving...the FIRST.  At this point we will be at 30.  If we settle with two or three kids and space them properly (about two to three years in between), when we reach the age of 40 we will have three kids under the age of TEN, one of which will still be either an infant or toddler.  When my parents hit 40...I WAS A HIGH SCHOOLER!  All this doesn't even touch upon the risk factors that go into conception, carrying, and birthing for women beyond the age of 35.  So, I will respectfully reject the notion that we "have plenty of time"...we may still feel like newlyweds, but we've been married for 5 years and have been TTC almost that entire time...the next 7-8 year window before I reach 35 will close quickly.

Now, onto the myth I wanted to address.  "You're probably just not hitting it at the right time".  Really?  Those are some incredible odds...FIVE YEARS and we have only once "hit it right".  No, I'm sorry...but no matter how many times we time it exactly right, it's not just going to happen suddenly.  Remember, the definition of infertility is "a year or more of unprotected sex".  They provide that 12 month window to rule out variables such as timing.  No, once you are diagnosed with infertility whether explained or not, there is something larger at play than timing.

The funny thing, is that despite the fact that our journey is approaching five years, (four years this month since I've seen a positive pregnancy test), and the fact that they have found and identified a few legitimate issues I still hear this "helpful advice" from those closest to me.  I have PCOS and Prolactinemia.  Two legitimate issues that don't just one day decide to stop blocking pregnancy just because we timed it right this month.  Until, we figure out how to treat these (since there is no cure for either), we will not be successful.  And even at that point we may find that there are other factors as well.

This just made me think of an age old saying, "If you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".  Those of us in the infertile community are struggling with this issue enough that in addition to the medical advice we are receiving from medical professionals, we are doing research on our own, and know more about the way the female body works (thanks to our issues) than the general public does.  We need to spread awareness, not only so that this disease becomes a NON-taboo topic, but also so that the public does not naively think that because they were fertile and were successful in their TTC attempts that they know better and are the proper people to give advice.......regardless of how well intended the advice may be.